Gone are youthful days of weighty sighs and swoops of passion focused upward toward a deity I could not take down from the throne.

A little jesus reduced to an idol with no voice on a man-made pedestal.

A false god I invented to suit my needs left me spent and breathless.

Yet Christ has called me friend and kin and come to live among— right here in the dirt with me.

And I’ve no more need to reach so desperately for He is near to me.

Now let my reaching be a praise and not a greedy expectation.

Gone too the racing heart and grasping palms desperately seeking a savior from my pain and restlessness.

Was an unworthy exchange of Holiness for life eternal ever intended to be without strife?

Unworthiness,my thorn, He has not yet taken.

Yet He has lent me strength enough to overcome.

A celebrity God would not have given me the time of day.

Human beings “in love” feel foolishly, with no acknowledgment of good or bad.

But real loving means knowing all the good and bad and loving nonetheless.

No autographs, no accolades. No swag gifts.

Only grace.

A celebrity God could not love me back.

I’m not in love with Jesus anymore.

Wait, I do not love Him less, I simply want to love Him differently:

Not imperfect, conditional love that captivates my foolish heart.

Now give me Love of broken barriers.

Now give me Love of veil torn ‘tween  Eternal and the loved.

Now give me concrete cornerstone Love over faint-hearted twitterpation.

Reverence fueled by my inadequate expression did not satisfy for long.

Yes, infatuation acts like zeal-fuel to get the fire going.

But, though sparks ignite, true warmth lies in the lingering ember of a fire.

Inadequate adoration does nothing.

A frenzied dance of jubilation, sweet release of youth shaking up the soul to ready tired hearts for stillness.

To hear the still small voice in quiet contemplation.

 And now?

Give me something real:

Real intimacy in slow and steady, gaited waltz.

An anticipation of His steps.

A connection marked in measured moves.

A heart that beats in syncopation for His heart.

I want  to love with everlasting love the God whom left his throne to love my wretchedness.

Oh, Love who came for me, show me whom and how You love.

“Do you love me? Then feed my sheep.” –Jesus